On September 3rd my pet that I have had practically my whole life passed away. It was the hardest news to hear, especially because he appeared healthy and happy two days before when I moved back out for school. I wanted to write this post because I have done a lot of reflecting the past two weeks about what losing my pet taught me.
If you have ever had a pet you connected with well you understand this pain. Max was my best friend, he was always there for me. I learned so much from him, and from this experience. I wanted to share this knowledge with all of you now.
When hard times hit, your true friendships shine.
I am so grateful for the amazing friendships I have. Without the support of my friends this challenging journey would have felt impossible. There’s a sort of loneliness you feel when you lose something important to you, and my friends helped me overcome this.
You blame yourself for things you have no control over.
One of the greatest challenges for me the past two weeks is the feeling of guilt. I feel like I should have been there for Max, should have known what was going on. I realize now that there isn’t anything I could have done; everything happened so quickly that if I had known and tried to make it I likely wouldn’t. The day he passed was also the day I started co-op, so I had an obligation to be in Waterloo. What happened is not anyone’s fault. The time I had with him was precious, and even though I didn’t feel like I got to say goodbye because of the nature of his passing, the last few hours I did have with him at home were filled with him cuddling (while he usually hides when I go back to school). In that sense, I did get to say goodbye.
Getting through challenging moments makes you stronger.
Every time you face something that makes you say, “wow, my life sucks right now” rephrase that to think “my life can only get better.” This thinking has been tremendously helpful not only in this situation but through other points of life (rejections, injuries and so on). See the glass as half full, rather than half empty. Eventually you will get through the rough patch and look back at it feeling accomplished. Every challenge you face builds your character and helps you see the world in a different light. Try to make the negative more positive by thinking about what you can learn and grow from in that experience.
Live in the moment and enjoy what you have. Don’t get stuck in the past or future.
While I always thought Max would live at least a few more years, the sixteen years I had with him were amazing. Sure, we got mad at each other and I still haven’t let go the time he peed in my backpack full of homework, but even those moments were filled with love. Max always knew when I was sad, instantly jumping to my side. He was my door greeter when I’d come home from school; whenever I was preparing to visit home, my friends probably got annoyed by the amount of times I said I couldn’t wait to see Max. Same with my parents, who probably got tired by how many times I said “I miss Max” when we would go on vacation (i.e. I said this every vacation, every day, often many times a day).
I’ve tried blocking out a few of these moments since his passing because it’s really hard for me to think about them without feeling pain, but I know eventually I will be able to look back with joy and happiness. Instead of wishing for more time (which is still hard), I am thankful for all the beautiful memories and moments I made with my cat.
Over time, things won’t necessarily get better, just…different.
Grief and loss are a part of life and will inevitably happen. We are never prepared for it, no matter what we may think. Accepting this and allowing yourself to feel is important to overcome the initial grief. It never goes away, exactly, but it changes. It becomes something else.
Looking back at the times I had with Max makes me tear up now, but eventually it will make me smile and laugh (and probably still cry, but less so). For instance, thinking about the fact that I wanted a fish (Finding Nemo was HUGE at that time) and was so mad when we were getting a cat used to be a funny memory; right now it makes me sad, but eventually it will be happy again. The person or thing that you lost wouldn’t want to use your grief to stop you from going on with your life. They’d want you to keep going, to be happy and enjoy every moment. Like I said, I’m still not past the grief stage at this point (I don’t think I will be for a long time) but I know, eventually, I will.
Final thoughts
I don’t think anyone wants to or knows how to deal with loss well. It lingers in the back of our minds, and when it hits we are overcome with emotion and confusion. Life does continue on after we lose someone or something, physically (a death) or metaphorically (a break-up). Moving on with life does not mean you’ve left behind the person or thing you lost. It means you are strong. It means you can face one of life’s most challenging experiences and push past it.
I will always miss Max. He was an integral part of my growth. I struggled through many challenges over the years, and I strongly believe he waited until I was in a good spot physically and mentally to depart on his next journey. You may think I’m silly for thinking this, but Max never left me in any other moments. He knew it was time, and kept going strong until I was okay.
I hope this post helps you in some way. Perhaps I am helping you by sharing what losing my pet taught me. If you have lost a pet, family or friend, I am sure this will be useful to you.
I think the world gifted us with companions like pets to connect and grow with. While we take care of them (feeding, housing, bathing) they also take care of us. I couldn’t have asked for a better companion in my life. Max, I miss you I will always remember the love you shared with me. Thank you for everything <3
