Lessons learned from my first year of university

Hi again everyone! Today I will be sharing my lessons learned from my first year of university. I can’t believe we’re already halfway through May. That means I’ve been finished my first year of university for almost a month now…wow. So many people have told me that time goes by so fast once you hit university, yet I still can’t believe how quickly it went and when I look back at the past eight months it feels like orientation was only last week.

With time going by so quickly, I think it’s important to reflect on the experiences I’ve had in my first year and how they’ll benefit me in the future. I also think that it would be important for those going into university this Fall to hear first-hand what the experience was like, and for my fellow undergraduates to compare our experiences. It’s been requested that I write this post for a while, and I am very excited to finally be posting it!

You grow in university. A lot.

I want to start by saying that I think I’ve learned more about myself as a person in the past eight months than I have ever before. University is the first time (for most, at least) that you are truly on your own, making important decisions that will affect your day-to-day life, without the help of others. Of course you consult with your family and friends when making tough decisions, but in the end the final decision comes down to you. You decide to pull the all-nighters; you decide when you’re going to eat, do laundry, clean your room, book doctor and dentist appointments; you will be making a lot of “adult” decisions. I still don’t feel like an adult, though, but definitely more mature and experienced after having this time to grow on my own.

When I look back on the time I spent at the University of Waterloo from September 2017 to April 2018, I can think of five lessons I learned that I know will benefit me in the future. I’d like to share these lessons with you now.

1. It’s okay to struggle and be disappointed.

This lesson doesn’t just pertain to struggling in your classes, but since it is something you will face during your courses it is worth discussing. Thankfully, my program doesn’t require me to take courses in subjects I genuinely hate (cough physics cough calculus cough) and I overall feel pretty proud of how I did in all of my courses. Of course there were times that I didn’t do as well as I expected, when I felt that I did really well on a paper or midterm and then I would get the mark back and yikes…not so good. Here’s the deal: everyone has those moments. When you have so many different people marking your assignments (especially long written pieces subject to opinion) you’re bound to get a tough TA that doesn’t agree with your argument. You can follow up with them regarding your mark to understand where you went wrong, but this can take a lot of time and effort and quite frankly the TA’s aren’t always persuadable if you really think you deserve a better mark.

For instance, I wrote a final paper worth 40% of my overall grade for a course this past term. I worked so hard on this paper and was very passionate about the topic. I did not get the mark I thought I deserved, and the comments explaining why I got were very vague. I spent several weeks emailing back and forth with the TA trying to understand why they graded me the way they did; in the end, the TA ended up seeing things in my paper that they hadn’t seen originally, so they wanted to raise my mark, but my professor said that the grades had already been submitted so nothing could change.

Of course I was upset, but I didn’t let it ruin me; I moved on and used this as a learning experience. It’s okay to face disappointment. I still did well in the course, and the paper is one of many I will write in the future; I’ll probably forget I even wrote by next year. In other words, it’s really not something to dwell on. I can put my energy towards bigger, better things that will come my way soon enough.

As I said, you also will face many disappointments outside of your courses. Maybe you got in a fight with someone you are close to. Maybe you haven’t made as many good friends as you thought you would in the first few months of school. Maybe you didn’t get the summer job you wanted because you weren’t qualified enough, or maybe your program isn’t turning out to be what you thought it would be. All of these little disappointments seem catastrophic at the time, and we beat ourselves up over such small things that, in the grand scheme of things, only make up a small blip in our life! If you truly value your relationship with someone, you will find a resolution to whatever fight you had with them. You will make more friends. You will find a better opportunity in the future, and you will know the right thing to do when the time comes regarding your future. And if you don’t do one of these things? Oh well. With time passing so fast, more opportunities will arise very soon.

My point: a little disappointment is okay. When disappointment comes you need to take a deep breath and tell yourself that you will get through the moment. If you need to, reach out to someone you are close to; having a strong support system is so important. At the beginning of the year when I was adjusting to the course load, building my relationships and facing new challenges associated with being a university student for the first time, I found it hard to call home often and just talk with my mother.

My mother has been my biggest support system since day one: she will always listen to me, offer her advice, and lend me a shoulder to cry on (if you’re reading this, which I know you are, thank you for everything, mom!) Those weeks where I only called home maybe once or twice a week was when I would feel really, really down. I was struggling internally and I didn’t have the support I needed to talk to (she was always there for me, of course; it was me who wasn’t able to reach out to her). At one point I just felt so low that I promised myself I would try to call home every day or every other day. I know this isn’t ideal for some people, but my relationship with my mother is very strong and I didn’t want things to change between us.

As soon as I started calling more often, I felt stronger and lighter when approaching new challenges. My mother knew what I was going through and acted as my biggest fan; she’d tell me that I could get through anything, and that I will only grow as a person through the challenges that I face. I needed to hear those words from someone else to get through those first few months. I encourage you to find a support system if you don’t already have one so you are prepared to take on those challenges, too. Even if you aren’t struggling, being in touch with someone close to you and keeping up to date on each other’s lives is a way of staying grounded and feeling strong for when you do face those tough moments.

2. Make time for fun.

This. Is. SO. Important! Something I overlooked for most of high school was making time to do things I enjoyed just for fun. I was so focused on doing homework and studying all of the time that I hardly made time for friends or for my hobbies (I was also a competitive dancer, so that also ate up a significant amount of my time too…). I had the opportunities to hang out with friends, see movies or just relax, but I rarely took them because I thought if I didn’t study for this long or do this much work that I would fail. I regret this a lot, but I was so paranoid about receiving a certain scholarship that I didn’t allow myself to have fun. So, yes, I did do very well in high school, but I was miserable for a lot of it because I didn’t take enough breaks (I really didn’t take any, to be honest).

I made a vow to myself in university to take breaks regularly. And I am SO thankful that I have stuck to this vow. Movie nights with my friends, shopping trips, Starbucks dates with my girls. It’s therapy in a way, allowing me to blow off steam and relax. The great thing about university is that you’re not stuck in one place for the entire day like in high school. Even if you have a jam-packed schedule in terms of classes, during your lunch break you could go to a coffee shop near your next class with a friend for a quick catch-up. Even meeting with some friends in the evening to do your work together is great: my friends and I would all sit in our lounge, do work for our different classes, play some good music and eat snacks, then usually watch a show or two on Netflix. Despite the fast-paced, high-intensity courses, having these small regular breaks really made the work manageable and much less stressful.

3. Be true to yourself

University is a time where you get to start all over. You know very few of your peers (if any, in my case) when you start, so no one knows your story, your personality, or what you really consider the defining characteristics of who “you” are. This is exciting and even a bit nerve-wracking. How do you want to come across to your peers? For myself, I wanted to be more open when I came to university. Like I mentioned, I rarely made time for fun in high school and so I was seen as a very studious, serious person.

Quite honestly, I feel like some people were afraid to approach me (actually, a friend told me that this was in fact the case…)! I was studious, but I didn’t want people to think that I didn’t want to hang out with them, because I did want to! I was sad that I wasn’t out having fun like my peers and was stuck at home working, but looking back now I definitely know that I came off as unapproachable a lot of the time. I didn’t know how to go about changing this perception that people had of me, because of the image that had been created of me during high school. So in university I said yes to hanging out with friends more, I suggested we explore Waterloo, and I stepped out of my comfort zone more often. I still was very studious, of course, but I tried to make myself much more approachable and wasn’t as hard on myself to get top marks.

Keep in mind, although university is a fresh start, I wasn’t pretending to be something I’m not. I am a very sociable person, I just have to get myself out there. Some people go to university and try becoming someone completely opposite of who they really are, all because of the desire to fit in. Here’s the great thing about university: no one cares. No one cares if you don’t follow certain social rules, if you want to stay in and watch a movie instead of going out to the bar, or if you don’t want to do drugs or drink with everyone else. You do you, and I promise you that you will find some very like-minded people that will make great friends.

I’m not a big drinker, and my friends respect that. They don’t pressure me to drink with them, which I really appreciate. If I felt obligated to drink, do drugs or some other activity that made me uncomfortable, I would know that I’d need to find some new friends. I don’t have to worry about this because I know who I am and feel comfortable being myself around my friends. So, if you really want to do something, like go out with friends more often, then do it! I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone a little bit just to do what you really want to do, but not so much that you actually start feeling wrong or extremely uncomfortable with the decisions you are making.

4. Don’t overload yourself.

University is so exciting, I’ll admit it. Every day I wake up still feels so different than when I would wake up for high school. University has a very different atmosphere, I think because you’re actually working towards a goal you have for the future and are (hopefully) taking courses you enjoy or at least see the benefit in taking. And there are so. Many. Clubs! UWaterloo has more than 300 clubs all around campus, from Acapella to Pet Lovers Club, religious/social/gender/political clubs, Drag Club, Coffee Lovers Club, Gamers Club and so much more. It’s overwhelming. Some clubs I would have liked to have joined but I didn’t even know that they existed until February.

Most universities have a club info day where the offered clubs will set up booths in one place so you can learn more about them and sign up. There’s usually music, free food and stickers/swag too! With all of the clubs available to you, it is very easy to take on too much. I remember on my club info day in September I signed up for something like ten clubs, but when I got back to my room later that evening I knew for sure that I wasn’t even going to attend the first meeting of at least half of those (actually, I didn’t officially join any of the clubs I signed up for…whoops).

To avoid taking on too much, ensuring I would have time for fun/relaxation as well as extracurricular activities and courses, I asked myself what sort of experiences I hoped to have this year. I knew that I wanted to get involved in some of the environmental initiatives on campus. I wanted to take on some sort of leadership position, too. I wanted to get involved with the student-run Environment Coffee Shop, because I’ve always wanted to work in a café (don’t ask why because I don’t know). I sat on the student activity council and food committee for my residence, was the secretary for the Society of Ecological Restoration, volunteered at the coffee shop and campus garden for a few hours each week, and sat on the Board of Governors for my residence.

I have always been a busybody, so I love having something on my plate to do all the time; for someone else, this may have been too much to take on at once (and at times it was for me, too) so don’t feel obligated to join all these different clubs or groups right away. I encourage you to try maybe just one or two things so you can get involved in your university’s community, but only do what you can manage. I really, really wanted to join the competitive dance team at the school, but when I saw their hours of training I knew I wouldn’t be able to balance that commitment with everything else. I still really miss dance every day, but I know that I made the right decision.

If you’re having trouble deciding what to do or how much to do, draw yourself a pie chart. This is a helpful way to truly understand what you value and where you want to delegate your time. For the pie chart, think of all of the different things you will be doing during your school term. Some important things to think of: being in class, studying/doing assignments outside of classes, sleeping, eating, having “fun” time with friends, chores (cleaning, laundry) and extra-curricular activities. I bet you have more to do than you realized, right?

Now, decide what is going to take up most of your time. From experience, my time was mostly spent outside of class, studying and working on assignments. Class time is considerably less than what you do in high school. With about 15-20 hours of in-class time per week, I had about 2-8 hours of work each day outside of class (more/less depending on any assignments/exams coming up). So studying/working will likely take up most of your time, then ideally sleep (more on this later). Eating is essential for a properly functioning brain and body; always make time for your meals. Chores will probably take a few hours of your week. Time with friends will hopefully be at least a few hours each week. Then there’s time for yourself. Do you work out at the gym? Do you need to go grocery shopping? Don’t forget all of the little things that you do, because they often take up more time than you realize. After all of this, how much time do you have for clubs or group activities? Also, I’d suggest leaving a bit of wiggle room for when days/weeks don’t go as planned: maybe you’re sick and need more sleep, or get stuck in traffic, or have a spontaneous trip somewhere. Based on this, you can realistically understand how much time you will have. Here’s a rough diagram I made just now, based on how my time was divided in my first year. It’s not 100% accurate, but it’s how I would roughly describe my year in one graph.

5. SLEEP.

Being brutally honest here, you don’t know what tired is until you’re in university. Maybe you could pull all-nighters in high school constantly and feel totally fine (or somewhat fine) but this will most likely not be the case in university. I don’t even know how to describe how tired I was, all the time. Like I said, I’ve been out of university for almost a month and I’m just now starting to feel recovered and well-rested. Since university is so intellectually challenging, and because you have to balance work with all these new responsibilities and expectations in your life, you will face a kind of mental exhaustion you probably haven’t experienced before.

Before university I never really was a napper, but by the first few weeks of class it became my saving grace for the rest of the year. Napping in between class, after breakfast (no joke), in the evenings…whenever I could get more sleep, I would. At the beginning of the semester when I was so excited and overwhelmed with the newness of everything and wanted to do everything (so many clubs! Movie night at 11pm on a Sunday? Sure! Class until 9:30pm? Guess I’ll do my online quiz when I get back later!). I’ve always been an early to bed, early to rise kind of person, but I soon found myself staying awake until 3am on weekdays watching movies with friends in someone’s room when I had 8:30am class (regretsssss). You think you’re invincible, that you don’t need sleep, but you need it. So much. No amount of makeup can hide the racoon eyes of a person sleeping 2-3 hours every night. Friends waking up at 3pm on weekends was totally normal. Is it healthy? Not at all.

Sleep is when your body goes into its main anabolic state. This means it is repairing damaged tissues, growing new cells, healing you from the inside out. You know when you go to sleep with sore muscles and wake up the next morning feeling so much better? That’s your body hard at work while you sleep! When you deprive yourself of the essential restorative time that is sleep, not only will your mental functioning decrease but physically your body will not repair the damages it faces on a daily basis, also preventing you from physically functioning optimally.

8-10 hours of undisturbed sleep every night is the ideal time for your body to be optimally rejuvenated. If you think you can fully function on 5 hours or less every night, this is very likely not true. Maybe you feel fine, but over time you will get worn down. I find that when I regularly get 8-10 hours of undisturbed sleep I feel so amazing. By the first month of having a wonky sleep schedule, I could already feel that I was physically and emotionally drained. Getting those extra hours of sleeping in and taking naps whenever I could have really helped me stay on top of my work and have energy for the entire day.

Final thoughts

I’ve learned so much this year, more than I could ever write about in one post. I think that the five lessons that I’ve highlighted in this post are important for anyone to remember when entering university, regardless of your age, program or whatever else sets you apart. Everyone wants to be successful in university, whatever that means. These tips I’ve provided you with will not only help you be successful as a student but as a person who will be learning so much about themselves in the next few years.

If you’re heading off to university for the first time in the fall, what are you most worried about? If you’ve already been through your first year (or more), are there any significant lessons you learned that you wish others would know before starting university? Let me know in the comments!

If you enjoyed this post, make sure to check out these other ones that will prepare you for university:

Overall, enjoy the experience that is your first year, because it goes by so fast. Be smart, have fun, and just be yourself. Everything else will fall into place.

Until next time!