It’s been awhile since I’ve checked in. A very brief status update: I finished my Master’s program, handed in my Master’s Research Paper, moved to Ottawa, and started my first “big girl” full time job, and I am facing an identity crisis.
For 20 years of my life, I was a student. I attended a formal education institution where I took classes and was taught by teachers/professors. I have written countless exams, assignments, cover letters for co-op, and two theses. Quite abruptly, that era ended. When I handed in my MRP two weeks ago, I was officially released from my student identity.
While this was happening, my identity crisis took over. A question popped into my head: who am I now?
The student identity crisis
Many other students face this crisis. It’s hard not to ask yourself the “who am I?” question when you’re in school, with all of the pressure from friends and family (even if it’s well intentioned) asking what your next steps are, what career you want, what name you want to create for yourself. For years I shrugged in response to these questions and said I am a student and will become whatever opportunities are presented to me. But I can’t use that response now. That’s intimidating.
Of course we can get philosophical about things and say we are all students all the time. We are learning about the world and other people through “teachers” or role models that share their wisdom with us. We are learning about the world while we are on the job, from our families, from the trees and from the random stranger on the street. People are learning from us, too, whether we mean to impart our wisdom or not. Informal educational experiences like this are incredibly important for personal and professional growth.
Society is not as satisfied with the “I am a student” response when you are in an informal learning environment. We feel the need to place labels on people and things to make sense of the world. That in itself is stressful. Since moving to Ottawa I have been out of my student status, yet every time someone asks me what I do and I reply with “I’m a Policy Analyst” I feel some major imposter syndrome.
Where things are now
I have rarely checked in with Clear the Air since beginning my Master’s last September. A lot has changed (like not being a student anymore because I have accelerated my graduation), but a lot remains the same. I remain passionate about climate communications and building a sustainable world. Educating others about the importance of climate action remains a passion of mine. I recently completed an internship at the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change in their Communications and Engagement division, where I got to fulfil my passions with an organization I admire.
Now I am a few weeks into my first full-time permanent role in a sector I never thought I’d work in. I moved across the province for work to a new city where I knew very few people and places. No one knows me, and I don’t know anyone.
This shift is part of my identity crisis. The people and places I attached to my student identity over the past 6 years suddenly disappeared. I learned so much about myself in Waterloo. Clear the Air was born there, as was my deep passion for climate activism. Despite being busy with work and making new friends and adjusting to this new life, I miss these places and the identity I created there.
That said, I cannot contain the excitement for this next chapter of life. Moving to a new city fits well with creating a new identity for myself outside of the student life. I am excited for financial stability, having my evenings and weekends free, and building rich relationships. I make the most of every day – finding my new favourite coffee shops, joining adult gymnastics, finding organizations to make new friends and community impact. Change is good. Change is needed for growth.
Why this all matters
I wrote about having an identity crisis for a few reasons. One, to update you on my life status in case you actually care and have been following along on my journey. If so – thanks! Two, to cultivate a sense of solidarity and assurance.
I know I am not alone in facing this identity crisis during the transition from student life to “real adulting.” The sinking feeling in your chest when you think about losing this piece of yourself is common. Especially for students during COVID, we lost years of an incredible experiences. It is okay to feel robbed. To navigate the grief in my identity crisis is remind myself that it is not so much the places I will miss, but the memories I have built in those places. Memories that will travel with me, no matter where I am. And we can keep making memories, no matter where we are.
Although I tell people that I am a Policy Analyst rather than a student now and I stepped into this new identity with all my energy, I know that my whole identity is not defined by a single job or a thing. I am also still a climate activist, a blogger and Founder of Clear the Air, a feminist, an awesome bread maker, and a deeply passionate human. Adding to that identity, since moving to Ottawa I have become a rookie gymnast, an urban cycler, a home decorator, and a mocktail experimenter. I will continue adding to that identity every day.
What happens now?
Realizing that your identity is fluid and does not fit neatly into one job title or LinkedIn heading is liberating. You can do whatever, whenever you want (well, don’t break laws please). If you want to explore new opportunities in life because something is no longer fulfilling you, you can. Having an identity crisis is not just about losing something, you are also gaining something(s) – want to be a professional rollerblader, or a painter, or a blogger? You can.
How you live your life today will be different from tomorrow, a year from now, and 10+ years from now. So enjoy it and be true to yourself every day.
Now that I actually have free time in life, I hope to post more often and in the near future on climate-related topics. The world and climate is rapidly changing and it is quite scary if I do say so myself. I hope to ease some of that fear by clearing the air on these topics and providing you with knowledge and tools to move forward in the world.
Until next time!